The cycle repeats.

Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr

It’s happening all over again. What I always knew. Friends you think who will be there, forever, just leave.

It happened before and it’s gonna happen this time round.

I’m such a believer of people who is never gonna stay around forever.

No matter how much I try to reach out.

Maybe that’s why I’m such a social butterfly, I don’t hang around with just one group of people.

It hurts too much when they start distancing and separating.

I’m destined to be forever alone.

We constantly subject our heart to such feelings, we have lost count of the number of holes and cuts others have left in them.

I suppose I should just install myself with a frozen heart, never to warm up and be susceptible to all those hurt.

On a different note, it’s also the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

Been hooked on cable all day watching the news covering what has happened to the world ever since.

The war that lasted 10 years and have not ended.

What are we to say what’s gonna happen in the next 10.

Who is even gonna stay long enough to see what actually happens?

Maybe I might even be gone tomorrow.

Unpredictability of life, but yet the stories the same.

Ponder, ponder.

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Do you know why I’m single?

Image by theloushe via Flickr

Because no one is ever gonna be good enough. Regardless of looks, wealth or brains. I’m superficial, sue me.

Even when times I feel so alone and depressed, I just won’t go out and find any ol’stranger and stay throwing myself on them.

The constant pain and turmoil one will have to go through is too much for anybody. Let alone myself. Why is it that in everyone’s mind it is constantly to find a partner in life? Is it really that hard to be happy single?  Is it that hard to actually stay single?

It’s not that easy to trust anybody at all. I don’t trust you, seriously. Not after everything that has happened, I don’t trust anybody to stay, no one will ever stay.

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Who can I call my friends?

They come and go just like everything else. Never staying, never truly being there. How do you judge whether someone is worth investing the time and money into.
What if after years together, they still leave? The memories together will then be meaningless without their companion.
The laughter and jokes we once shared never the same again.
Everything in life is never gonna stay long, nothing ever stays long enough. People make such big promises of always being there for you.
But, yet in the end, they still leave as fast as they trampled into your life.
Life ain’t like the Sims, you force them to talk and they become instant friends. It ain’t easy to find someone whom you can click easily.
Maybe I should just curl into a ball of spikes, keeping everyone and everything at arm’s length, and never allowing myself into all these attachments, maybe I won’t feel as hurt by them. Hurting them before they start hurting me, maybe I won’t feel the pain then.
But without all these attachments, there ain’t really a need to actually survive in this horrible cruel place we call home.
How is this even home if people come and go as they please, they say oh, I miss you so, but yet, when a little crack appears and they suddenly become totally unrelated.

Are we just plain lazy to keep in contact or did we just become too busy to bother with each others lives?

Trust no one, I’d say.

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Define happiness.

How do you know you’re happy?
By assessing your happiness quotient?
By comparing yourself to others?
Looking at your life in general and seeing what you’ve accomplished?
How do you actually believe it really is what it actually means now?
What if it’s a mindset deeply set in your mind from young?
How do you actually know what is happy?
The feeling of content?
The feeling of enjoyment?
The ability to have everything?
What if everything that is happening now is just a figment of your own imagination in some twisted game some higher power is just playing upon you?
How do you actually know?

How’d you feel about believing?

Watching last week’s episode of Glee, it was all about God, or believing in something.

Is there something I believe in?

I’m not sure.

Not to sound egotistical or anything, but I believe in striving hard for myself.

It’s not about praying or anything that works.

It’s about how hard you push yourself to be better.

I don’t if that will cause me to end up all alone in life.

But who can you trust?

You put all your trust in God, and what if things just don’t go the way you ask him for.

It’s all about striving hard for yourself.

Related Articles

• Are You There, God? Glee’s Twist on Faith (omg.yahoo.com)

How do you know?

What life has in store for you?

What if things just won’t seem to look up?

What if your best moments have passed and you’ve plateau-ed?

Should I just believe and strive on?

Believe that I will make it and don’t let setbacks bring me down.

Even if these setbacks are some that I’ve never experienced before and am doing my best to overcome them.

But they are like waves, pounding on me just as I’m about to stand up again.

Am I in need of help?

Or is it something I have to figure out myself?

Life is so complex in such a way, you’ll never know what is in store.

Even as you secretly hope it goes your way.

Shower me with love.

I’m just so tired.

Thanks.

Totally love to visit

freshly pressed on wordpress everyday.

Was reading one that really shook my world.

Seriously, why can’t we just have wholesome good looking girls on screen?

Do they really have to be so thin and slim just so that they will not appear fat.

I was influenced when i was younger to be so bamboo-like that i starved myself and forced myself to only drink juice all day long.

It caused me to have gastric problems.

I am now happily eating healthily and am at a very healthy weight.

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When

we were young, we had such great dreams.

To be the President.

To be the a world famous explorer.

To be recognized as a world famous superstar.

But as we get older, we lose these dreams.

We don’t forget them, but we compromise on them.

We sell them off bit by bit.

And when we finally realise it, you’re stuck in a dead end job, trying your best to make ends meet.

In the end, we are all working just so we can have a pocket full of money.

How will we ever make something out of what we dreamt?

And I will continue in the search of what I want.

Wish me luck!

Do not be afraid

Image via Wikipedia

of making mistakes.

It’s when you learn a lesson and grow to be stronger and wise-r.

I admit I have done some stupid stuff, stuff thatI regret deeply.

But I know I won’t be who I am without these stupid stuff.

I am ashamed of these mistakes.

And they haunt me sometimes.

I grow up knowing I should never do them.

And I make decisions with these mistakes in mind.

I beat myself up sometimes for being so silly.

I’m doing my best to stand up and walk again.

I wish I can run like I do, like when my life seems a whirl.

Everything just seem to move so fast and I enjoyed it so much.

But life’s a dull now, work seems to just draw so much energy from my spirit.

Bless me with the luck to stand up and be tall.

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Have you

Found your passion in life?
Something that makes you who you are today.
Was there anybody who inspired your passionate endeavors?
Anyone who guided you to the light?
I’m still searching for that light.
Something that makes me go so excited to wake up every single day to hop on it and be the best I can be at it.
I feel my days now are filled with mundane stuff, I work at a lousy job, with horrible lazy people, mundane work and even worse pay. That doesn’t drive me. That is slowly sucking away my soul.
What are the steps needed to take before I can fulfill that drive of mine?
How can I start working on it?
Older generations have such a dead mentality and don’t always take what you mean and say to any sense. Thinking it’s all just a frivolous 3 minute sensation of yours.
What’s your take on this?
I would love to heat your passion and what you have went through to get where you are today.

My father

passed on when I was 7.
His death wasn’t such an impact on me because I was still small and don’t know what death meant.
But, as I grew older, and started understanding things and what things meant.
Anyway, a few years later, I was told how he died.
It was a reaction to a new medication given to him and complications, etcetera.
But sometimes, I wondered, what if someone or something knew and invented a new way to test from a person’s gene or blood or whatsoever and test whether the person is really allergic or whether the body will react to anything adversely.
There would be lots of lives saved.
Would I have led a happier childhood?
Would I be in a different place right now?
Comment with your story on how your life would have changed if not for a death in the family.

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bad bad bad

i need to control my temper.

it’s been running mad lately.

anyways.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR people.

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happy new year

happy?

sort of.

anyways, the long awaited list.

1. hopefully 45 kgs.

2. hot smart funny boyfriend?

3. hello singapore airlines.

4. stop blaming myself for everything.

5. also, midori, everything doesn’t revolve around you. there’s many other people out there.

wish me luck

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