Do you know why I’m single?

Image by theloushe via Flickr

Because no one is ever gonna be good enough. Regardless of looks, wealth or brains. I’m superficial, sue me.

Even when times I feel so alone and depressed, I just won’t go out and find any ol’stranger and stay throwing myself on them.

The constant pain and turmoil one will have to go through is too much for anybody. Let alone myself. Why is it that in everyone’s mind it is constantly to find a partner in life? Is it really that hard to be happy single?  Is it that hard to actually stay single?

It’s not that easy to trust anybody at all. I don’t trust you, seriously. Not after everything that has happened, I don’t trust anybody to stay, no one will ever stay.

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This post is super-un-awesome.

People tell me that I always seem so confident wherever I go. But deep inside, I think I’m the most awkward and self-conscious person ever.

I hide all my flaws with my insane laughter and flamboyant attitude, it distracts people from the hideous person inside and don’t really show who I really am. People just judge me by my laughter, thinking I’m just another loud obnoxious irritating dumb bimbo(boobs and no brains).

Growing up, I’ve had my share of comments on how I’m

• not the smartest
• not the fastest
• not the strongest
• not the prettiest
• not the tallest
• not feminine
• always the fattest.

I’ve learnt to take all these snide remarks and just pretend like they don’t affect me at all. I join in with the laughter and joke about it together with them. Hoping that one day, they’ll just stop bringing me down. Somehow, it still comes up, someone will talk about something horrible and link it to me. And again, I’m the centre of all their jokes.

When does this ever stop? Will it ever stop?

Is it because of my loud attitude that people are so envious of my confidence that they’re trying to bring me down with their words, or it’s something they just think it’s funny? Are they trying to show that they are the superior species?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me deep inside.

Oh goodness gracious

Image by lewishamdreamer via Flickr

After months of indulging myself in unhealthy yet totally yummy food and pushing off all the exercise I have to do.

The mood to run was back, so I just procrastinated all morning and afternoon (the sun was really bright and hot today, 34DegC ain’t a joke) and finally did it when the sun began to set.

5 minutes into running and my lungs were already screaming for more oxygen, my throat was beginning to dry up and every breath I took were short sharp stabs into the lungs.

10 minutes in, my calves were in such pain, they just wanted to stop.

But I powered through it, like always, with everything that I do.

I pushed myself and continued with each painful step, I need to train and be as awesome as before.

Even though my friends would definitely have something to say about my outrageously slow running speed (so slow, they walk beside me every time we run).

Goes to show how long I’ve stopped running and shows how unhealthy I’ve become.

Exercised for 40 minutes and even completed a 19 story climb home.

I know, 19, I’m damn amazed at myself for being able to do 19 stories after such a long time.

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How’d you feel about believing?

Watching last week’s episode of Glee, it was all about God, or believing in something.

Is there something I believe in?

I’m not sure.

Not to sound egotistical or anything, but I believe in striving hard for myself.

It’s not about praying or anything that works.

It’s about how hard you push yourself to be better.

I don’t if that will cause me to end up all alone in life.

But who can you trust?

You put all your trust in God, and what if things just don’t go the way you ask him for.

It’s all about striving hard for yourself.

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How do you know?

What life has in store for you?

What if things just won’t seem to look up?

What if your best moments have passed and you’ve plateau-ed?

Should I just believe and strive on?

Believe that I will make it and don’t let setbacks bring me down.

Even if these setbacks are some that I’ve never experienced before and am doing my best to overcome them.

But they are like waves, pounding on me just as I’m about to stand up again.

Am I in need of help?

Or is it something I have to figure out myself?

Life is so complex in such a way, you’ll never know what is in store.

Even as you secretly hope it goes your way.

Shower me with love.

I’m just so tired.

Thanks.

Sorry

for the lack of posts.
Life has been totally boring and has completely no meaning.
I look at my friends and their improvements in their life.
I look at myself and wonder what I have gotten myself into.
My friends all have something they aspire to be and want to be.
What is your aspiration in life?

Was in town

yesterday for brunch.

Had dim sum with the family.

And was thinking of how important they really are.

Has anyone had dreams of family and friends dying?

Major disaters where at least 5 or more of your close friends died.

I even had one where I was already lifeless, and i have no idea how I ended up alive, then dead again.

It’s so confusing what dreams mean.

I have no idea what to make of them.

What a great day!

Today, things happened so smoothly for me.

I was a little late in getting out of the house, but I got onto the bus on time, and there was just enough space for me.

Ain’t it nice to start a day like that?

A good start which leads to many great things.

With a spring in your step, and a happy song in your mind.

And i reach work just in time for someone to open the door for me.

Lying in bed,

after finding out that my continuous nasal problem is in fact allergic reactions to the surroundings.

Like change in temperature, excess dust, change in humidity etcetera etcetera…

I haven’t been out quite alot since I started working.

But everyday i try and find something I can be grateful for.

Like, maybe tomorrow, the bus comes on time and thankfully there was enough space for only one person, and that’s me.

Or let’s say, the guy in front of me opens the door, and closes just in time for me to pass through first.

But that didn’t happen today, sadly, I’m at home.

I’m just happy I have a bed to sleep in and a warm blanket to warm me up just nice, and food in the fridge for me to heat up and eat.

I have been watching HBO’s miniseries, The Pacific.

And am in awe with how all these marines survived harsh tropical living conditions and only wish for hot food and coffee.

They have not been talked about or commended by films and papers and people, but it did indeed happen and thousands of people died fighting.

And their stories need to be told.

 

while out jogging

at west coast park.

It’s really nice with all the smell of grass and sea breeze.

where in singapore can you experience such wonderful views?

EVERYWHERE.

what’s wrong with today?

i was just waiting for something that i can post about,

but today was just plain boring, with nothing to do.

I was at my grandmother’s all day long, doing nothing.

then took out my mum’s laptop and watched Young And Dangerous.

then, I realised

Modern technology has made humans unhealthier and obese.

we should totally start working out and exercising to be a healthier community.

And appreciate what modern technogy can’t do for us.

3 Songs that I play too much

and i still am not sick of it.

It's totally insane for the people around me.

But i can't stop loving it.

Something Stupid by Robbie Williams & Nicole Kidman

Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback

If I Can’t Have You by Adam Lambert

Hello

Been rather busy lately.
I know, nobody reads anyway.
But hello nonetheless.
And I’m growing fatter too.
Ultra pouts.

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graduation

finally, i’m graduating.

last batch though.

it’s on the 15th of may, 0900 hours.

freaking 9am.

goodness gracious.

i’ll be falling asleep during the ceremony.

Love Melbourne

hello world.

I am currently located in Melbourne.
I am now in my brother’s apartment doing chores for him.
I just did something really stupid(i.e getting the cup stuck in the rice pile).
Okay, world i don’t think you know what I mean.
Anyway, off to do laundry now!
Ciao!

P.S Melbourne is so fun i don’t feel like going home already. How Tan dongyang??

hello from melbourne.

hello people.

it’s cold.

but i brought clothes suitable for singapore’s weather.

but it’s alright.

midori is strong.

ahahahha.

midori needs more money for shopping.

she likes the clothes here so so so so much.

hello melbourne.

i’m going to melbourne.

woots.

woots.

hopefully, i’ll be able to post some stuff.

hahahaha.

smile smile.

don’t miss me too much.

somehow

somehow, i’ve graduated.

and somehow i don’t know what’s gonna happen next.

i only have a vague plan.

but but.

haix.

the day we did cartwheels

and wrestled.

the day we celebrated mirza's birthday.

the day we painted nails and baked pasta.

the day agm is held.

the day picnicking at night happened.

the day we had steamboat.

the same day where we played jenga and it went to the sky.

the pictures above are for the previous post.

somehow the image uploader only decide to work today.

how fun.

yeaps yeaps.

and now for valentine’s day.

people if you don’t like pictures of ultra cuteness and sweetness.

ola

apparently, my cousins thought it’ll be nice to spruce up my blog for me.

so, if you’ve not read them.

scroll down.

it’s too hard to miss.

it’s the dull-est looking thing possible.

anyways, it’s really been a long time since i last touched this page.

hahaha.

nothing much happened.

just that i’ve been rushing with my irritating piece of project.

and i went shopping.

and nothing else.

i suppose?

long time since i put any pictures up.

here goes something.

sadly, the image uploader don’t want to co-operate with me.