The cycle repeats.

Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr

It’s happening all over again. What I always knew. Friends you think who will be there, forever, just leave.

It happened before and it’s gonna happen this time round.

I’m such a believer of people who is never gonna stay around forever.

No matter how much I try to reach out.

Maybe that’s why I’m such a social butterfly, I don’t hang around with just one group of people.

It hurts too much when they start distancing and separating.

I’m destined to be forever alone.

We constantly subject our heart to such feelings, we have lost count of the number of holes and cuts others have left in them.

I suppose I should just install myself with a frozen heart, never to warm up and be susceptible to all those hurt.

On a different note, it’s also the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

Been hooked on cable all day watching the news covering what has happened to the world ever since.

The war that lasted 10 years and have not ended.

What are we to say what’s gonna happen in the next 10.

Who is even gonna stay long enough to see what actually happens?

Maybe I might even be gone tomorrow.

Unpredictability of life, but yet the stories the same.

Ponder, ponder.

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Who can I call my friends?

They come and go just like everything else. Never staying, never truly being there. How do you judge whether someone is worth investing the time and money into.
What if after years together, they still leave? The memories together will then be meaningless without their companion.
The laughter and jokes we once shared never the same again.
Everything in life is never gonna stay long, nothing ever stays long enough. People make such big promises of always being there for you.
But, yet in the end, they still leave as fast as they trampled into your life.
Life ain’t like the Sims, you force them to talk and they become instant friends. It ain’t easy to find someone whom you can click easily.
Maybe I should just curl into a ball of spikes, keeping everyone and everything at arm’s length, and never allowing myself into all these attachments, maybe I won’t feel as hurt by them. Hurting them before they start hurting me, maybe I won’t feel the pain then.
But without all these attachments, there ain’t really a need to actually survive in this horrible cruel place we call home.
How is this even home if people come and go as they please, they say oh, I miss you so, but yet, when a little crack appears and they suddenly become totally unrelated.

Are we just plain lazy to keep in contact or did we just become too busy to bother with each others lives?

Trust no one, I’d say.

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What is normal?

How would you define normal?

Social norms are the accepted behavior of a culture of a  society or group.

If being normal is something that we all yearn for and actually aim in life, wouldn’t that make us blatantly boring people?

Is our purpose in life truly to be ordinary folk and not extraordinary?

If being not normal in life is frowned upon, is looked down upon, is disgusted and thrown stones at for, then wouldn’t that make those ignorant people the Voldermots and Hitlers & us the mudbloods and jews of the society?

Or would we want to be something special?

Every single one of us is born and bred differently, we do not all follow the same set of rules growing up and do not have the same social standings in life.

Being normal means we will have to conform to the standards and force ourselves into a state of normalcy. How would that bring about the changes we see in the society right now?

We would not have Barack Obama, the first African American President of the United States, we would still be in a society where racial discrimination and gender discrimination would still be happening. We definitely will not see the changes we see in our lives everyday.

Asking questions and being ultimately curious about random stuff is who I am. Since young, I have been laughed at for all my ‘stupid’ questions, and no one has ever bothered to listen to me or my opinions because of such.

I try my best to be who I am and be who I want to be with no regards to the frowns of the society I live in. I dance to my iPod on the public transportation, I walk with swagger & style and express my discontent.  I live my life to the fullest and never be damned by ******* around.

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What and what?

Does the good things we do in life cancel out the bad things we commit?
Is it alright for us to steal if we helped an old lady cross the street?
How is such stuff measured?
Or is it the realization of our dumb acts and it’s consequences mean that we have noted the severity of our actions and never to do it again?
We can fall off the wagon and some how commit another mistake again.
Or do we go through “judgement” at the end of our life and every single error and success is highlighted, measured and recorded to actually determine our standing in life.
Are we sinners or saint?
Or are we judged by ourselves and seen by ourselves whether we have done anything wrong?
The many ways different point of view and how we’re judged comes from a different understanding of the situation.

And on this day.

I seriously don’t believe that someone can have a goal in life to sit at a desk and just draw charts and graphs for a living.
Even if it pays some awfully decent amount of money.
We should be out living our life to the maximum an not waste it at a job.
And maybe that is why finding a aim in life is so difficult for me.
I don’t want to just look forward to the weekends.
I want to look forward to a daily enjoyment and excitement of what drives me.

Define happiness.

How do you know you’re happy?
By assessing your happiness quotient?
By comparing yourself to others?
Looking at your life in general and seeing what you’ve accomplished?
How do you actually believe it really is what it actually means now?
What if it’s a mindset deeply set in your mind from young?
How do you actually know what is happy?
The feeling of content?
The feeling of enjoyment?
The ability to have everything?
What if everything that is happening now is just a figment of your own imagination in some twisted game some higher power is just playing upon you?
How do you actually know?

Such a big word.

I don’t understand how people feel love. It’s such a big word, and so overused.I can say I love cats, but that doesn’t mean I’d make love to cats, right?

Love is nothing compared to all the other shits that supposed to happen. But yet, everybody believes in it so much. Like how love will cure every single damn problem. I doubt so. I would gladly say money is the most important, but people would have so much more to say about that too.

With all the stories being told, x meets y, x falls in love with y and vice versa, lives happily ever. It’s become a warped up image in our mind of having to fall in love with somebody in order to survive.

People are in relationships because they fear loneliness. They get so comfortable with each other that they fear the loneliness they get if it’s separated.

The constant need to seek companion to be able to survive. And sadly, I too feel the same way sometimes. Being alone tends to drive one crazy. In such a case, me.

For the ones who live in our hearts forever.

On the day of your funeral, will you have anyone come forward, telling stories of how great an impact you were or would you pass on like a light breeze, soft and silently?
Stories that would bring smiles of great memories.
Moments that made everyone closer.
Times you were at each other throats.
Last words to each other.
Best memory you bad.
How would you have changed yourself?
Would you wish you did something differently and your life went on a different path.
The choices you would have made, the decisions you hoped you stuck through to the end.
If you were the one giving the story, what would you have said?
How your bond has grown?
How you first met?
How you both clicked at that point in life?
Cherish every moment you have in life, treat it as the last you’ll have.
You won’t know what will happen, and you wouldn’t want the last memory the person will have is of you saying how much you hated each other?
Or how much you’ve hurt them?
Say a I love you before your goodbye, or a deep warm hug when you meet.
And I dedicate this piece to all my dear family and friends who’s left our sides physically, but will always be in our hearts for what they’ve done and how they’ve shaped us to be who we are now.

And on this day.

I seriously don’t believe that someone can have a goal in life to sit at a desk and just draw charts and graphs for a living.
Even if it pays some awfully decent amount of money.
We should be out living our life to the maximum an not waste it at a job.
And maybe that is why finding a aim in life is so difficult for me.

We all crave to be loved.

But that doesn’t mean we should just delve into a relationship without any consideration.

Wait for the right one to show up?

Love because you need it, not because you want it.

How’d you feel about believing?

Watching last week’s episode of Glee, it was all about God, or believing in something.

Is there something I believe in?

I’m not sure.

Not to sound egotistical or anything, but I believe in striving hard for myself.

It’s not about praying or anything that works.

It’s about how hard you push yourself to be better.

I don’t if that will cause me to end up all alone in life.

But who can you trust?

You put all your trust in God, and what if things just don’t go the way you ask him for.

It’s all about striving hard for yourself.

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How do you know?

What life has in store for you?

What if things just won’t seem to look up?

What if your best moments have passed and you’ve plateau-ed?

Should I just believe and strive on?

Believe that I will make it and don’t let setbacks bring me down.

Even if these setbacks are some that I’ve never experienced before and am doing my best to overcome them.

But they are like waves, pounding on me just as I’m about to stand up again.

Am I in need of help?

Or is it something I have to figure out myself?

Life is so complex in such a way, you’ll never know what is in store.

Even as you secretly hope it goes your way.

Shower me with love.

I’m just so tired.

Thanks.

Totally love to visit

freshly pressed on wordpress everyday.

Was reading one that really shook my world.

Seriously, why can’t we just have wholesome good looking girls on screen?

Do they really have to be so thin and slim just so that they will not appear fat.

I was influenced when i was younger to be so bamboo-like that i starved myself and forced myself to only drink juice all day long.

It caused me to have gastric problems.

I am now happily eating healthily and am at a very healthy weight.

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When

we were young, we had such great dreams.

To be the President.

To be the a world famous explorer.

To be recognized as a world famous superstar.

But as we get older, we lose these dreams.

We don’t forget them, but we compromise on them.

We sell them off bit by bit.

And when we finally realise it, you’re stuck in a dead end job, trying your best to make ends meet.

In the end, we are all working just so we can have a pocket full of money.

How will we ever make something out of what we dreamt?

And I will continue in the search of what I want.

Wish me luck!

How so

Do we fix the problem of Asians being reserved about their feelings?
They don’t say I love you enough.
They don’t shower people with hugs and kisses.
They run away at the slightest sign of fear.
They stay safe and don’t take challenges.
But yet they expect people to understand how they are feeling.
People in this country is so unacceptable of public display of affections.
The small hug, or the little peck on cheeks are met with the worst criticism. You’ll most probably find pictures on the Internet and people throwing abuses.
It would mean a total disgrace to the family name if you’re seen being close to friends.
Pride is so important, and the thinking of us is too traditional and downright absurd.
I would love to be showered with hugs and kisses, that would make me know that people love me, people care abou me.
I like the feeling of being hugged. The warmth of it is so comfortable.

Being scared

Being scared let’s you know that you are on to a important decision in you life.
If you have no opinion about the choice you’re about to make, it’s best that you don’t interfere and stop others in their path of their passion.
Why do something you are not head over heels? Give it to someone who really needs it and am totally passionate about it.
Do your best, or do nothing at all.
Why waste your time and other’s time?
I believe to do everything to the best you can, don’t ever regret what you’ve done.
Or else it’s a life lesson wasted.
Be proud of who you are, of how great you can be.

I realise

that the only person I call now is my mum.
The only person who ever calls me is my mum.
The only time I go out is on Saturday if anyone is free.
I spend everyday at home watching tv.
The only time I’m out of the house on weekdays is when I go to work.
My friends are too busy.
I alienated most of my friends for the past two years.
I have a horrible job where I have no friends.
The only way I’m interacting with people is through the Internet.
I was so desperate, I even tried out chatroulette. Which was horrible and I saw naked people masturbating and stuff.
My only way of de-stressing is sitting at home.
Looking at the walls.
I need some interaction with real humans.
My life stinks.
I’m so desperate for contact outside my home.
I need to get out.
I need to meet new friends.
I’m not socializing, I need to go out.
Where is the safest place to meet strangers and be friends?

Do not be afraid

Image via Wikipedia

of making mistakes.

It’s when you learn a lesson and grow to be stronger and wise-r.

I admit I have done some stupid stuff, stuff thatI regret deeply.

But I know I won’t be who I am without these stupid stuff.

I am ashamed of these mistakes.

And they haunt me sometimes.

I grow up knowing I should never do them.

And I make decisions with these mistakes in mind.

I beat myself up sometimes for being so silly.

I’m doing my best to stand up and walk again.

I wish I can run like I do, like when my life seems a whirl.

Everything just seem to move so fast and I enjoyed it so much.

But life’s a dull now, work seems to just draw so much energy from my spirit.

Bless me with the luck to stand up and be tall.

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Any country

that you visit, you will definitely see people begging.

No matter how old they are, young kids, old people or even adults. They use different methods to wrench your hearts. Sitting in wheelchairs,  being blind, having no legs or just perfectly healthy. You would not know if they are faking it or really that weak.

I wonder why can’t they just get a normal job. I believe there is a job for them if they are willing to look for one. It’s not like Singapore has got no opportunities for anyone. You can see people who’s deaf working at KFC, or communities and groups that help these people who are not as able-bodied as us to survive in this society.

Even on the streets, if they are not begging, they are standing in corners of the street pushing themselves onto people to buy tissue paper from them at 3 for $1. Which is unreasonably priced, but Singaporeans call them Karma Tissue. But, in a busy street like Bugis, you can find around 10 such people doing that. It’s totally crazy!

Some people are so crazy from begging they come up to you while you’re eating, get down on their knees and really beg you to ‘donate’.

Such people really get on my nerve, they can easily find a job if they want to, but they are just not willing to or they have just given up hope and decide not to believe in themselves anymore.

Comment with what makes you so pissed, or a story of what you’ve experienced before.

Have you

Found your passion in life?
Something that makes you who you are today.
Was there anybody who inspired your passionate endeavors?
Anyone who guided you to the light?
I’m still searching for that light.
Something that makes me go so excited to wake up every single day to hop on it and be the best I can be at it.
I feel my days now are filled with mundane stuff, I work at a lousy job, with horrible lazy people, mundane work and even worse pay. That doesn’t drive me. That is slowly sucking away my soul.
What are the steps needed to take before I can fulfill that drive of mine?
How can I start working on it?
Older generations have such a dead mentality and don’t always take what you mean and say to any sense. Thinking it’s all just a frivolous 3 minute sensation of yours.
What’s your take on this?
I would love to heat your passion and what you have went through to get where you are today.