The cycle repeats.

Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr

It’s happening all over again. What I always knew. Friends you think who will be there, forever, just leave.

It happened before and it’s gonna happen this time round.

I’m such a believer of people who is never gonna stay around forever.

No matter how much I try to reach out.

Maybe that’s why I’m such a social butterfly, I don’t hang around with just one group of people.

It hurts too much when they start distancing and separating.

I’m destined to be forever alone.

We constantly subject our heart to such feelings, we have lost count of the number of holes and cuts others have left in them.

I suppose I should just install myself with a frozen heart, never to warm up and be susceptible to all those hurt.

On a different note, it’s also the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

Been hooked on cable all day watching the news covering what has happened to the world ever since.

The war that lasted 10 years and have not ended.

What are we to say what’s gonna happen in the next 10.

Who is even gonna stay long enough to see what actually happens?

Maybe I might even be gone tomorrow.

Unpredictability of life, but yet the stories the same.

Ponder, ponder.

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Do you know why I’m single?

Image by theloushe via Flickr

Because no one is ever gonna be good enough. Regardless of looks, wealth or brains. I’m superficial, sue me.

Even when times I feel so alone and depressed, I just won’t go out and find any ol’stranger and stay throwing myself on them.

The constant pain and turmoil one will have to go through is too much for anybody. Let alone myself. Why is it that in everyone’s mind it is constantly to find a partner in life? Is it really that hard to be happy single?  Is it that hard to actually stay single?

It’s not that easy to trust anybody at all. I don’t trust you, seriously. Not after everything that has happened, I don’t trust anybody to stay, no one will ever stay.

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Some people are just so….

wired weirdly.
Was on the bus today, and sat in front of this loud mouthed aunty. She was blabbering on her phone at such a volume that every single person was practically in her conversation.
Me, being so bad assed tired and lethargic today decided to just move a few seats to the front but not before giving her the stink eye and a small sound of disapproval.
This lady started insulting me, hurling vulgarity at me like nobody’s business. Cursing me, my family, my ancestors. I was so mad when she started dissing my mum. I wanted to seriously go up to her and tell her that, “Yeah I have no dad, what you gonna do about it?” And moving along with me as I changed seats. I have no idea what’s she trying to do, is she trying to provoke me further by irritating me with her microphone voice? Is she gonna bitchslap me? But no, she just kept blabbering on about how young I am, how rude and disrespectful I was. Seriously, who is the unmannered one here, hurling vulgaruties and cursing my family. I doubt that is well mannered in any culture or any society. People were staring at her and the scene she was making and she felt no shame to stop but continued throwing insults.
Why would anybody do that? Are they constantly on the search for attention? Would it make them happy if I created a scene and started arguing with her on the bus? Does she want to make either one of us stomp famous? Even while on public transport, it is common courtesy to actually speak at a moderate volume and not be a mighty loudspeaker.

Who can I call my friends?

They come and go just like everything else. Never staying, never truly being there. How do you judge whether someone is worth investing the time and money into.
What if after years together, they still leave? The memories together will then be meaningless without their companion.
The laughter and jokes we once shared never the same again.
Everything in life is never gonna stay long, nothing ever stays long enough. People make such big promises of always being there for you.
But, yet in the end, they still leave as fast as they trampled into your life.
Life ain’t like the Sims, you force them to talk and they become instant friends. It ain’t easy to find someone whom you can click easily.
Maybe I should just curl into a ball of spikes, keeping everyone and everything at arm’s length, and never allowing myself into all these attachments, maybe I won’t feel as hurt by them. Hurting them before they start hurting me, maybe I won’t feel the pain then.
But without all these attachments, there ain’t really a need to actually survive in this horrible cruel place we call home.
How is this even home if people come and go as they please, they say oh, I miss you so, but yet, when a little crack appears and they suddenly become totally unrelated.

Are we just plain lazy to keep in contact or did we just become too busy to bother with each others lives?

Trust no one, I’d say.

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What is normal?

How would you define normal?

Social norms are the accepted behavior of a culture of a  society or group.

If being normal is something that we all yearn for and actually aim in life, wouldn’t that make us blatantly boring people?

Is our purpose in life truly to be ordinary folk and not extraordinary?

If being not normal in life is frowned upon, is looked down upon, is disgusted and thrown stones at for, then wouldn’t that make those ignorant people the Voldermots and Hitlers & us the mudbloods and jews of the society?

Or would we want to be something special?

Every single one of us is born and bred differently, we do not all follow the same set of rules growing up and do not have the same social standings in life.

Being normal means we will have to conform to the standards and force ourselves into a state of normalcy. How would that bring about the changes we see in the society right now?

We would not have Barack Obama, the first African American President of the United States, we would still be in a society where racial discrimination and gender discrimination would still be happening. We definitely will not see the changes we see in our lives everyday.

Asking questions and being ultimately curious about random stuff is who I am. Since young, I have been laughed at for all my ‘stupid’ questions, and no one has ever bothered to listen to me or my opinions because of such.

I try my best to be who I am and be who I want to be with no regards to the frowns of the society I live in. I dance to my iPod on the public transportation, I walk with swagger & style and express my discontent.  I live my life to the fullest and never be damned by ******* around.

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And on this day.

I seriously don’t believe that someone can have a goal in life to sit at a desk and just draw charts and graphs for a living.
Even if it pays some awfully decent amount of money.
We should be out living our life to the maximum an not waste it at a job.
And maybe that is why finding a aim in life is so difficult for me.
I don’t want to just look forward to the weekends.
I want to look forward to a daily enjoyment and excitement of what drives me.

For the ones who live in our hearts forever.

On the day of your funeral, will you have anyone come forward, telling stories of how great an impact you were or would you pass on like a light breeze, soft and silently?
Stories that would bring smiles of great memories.
Moments that made everyone closer.
Times you were at each other throats.
Last words to each other.
Best memory you bad.
How would you have changed yourself?
Would you wish you did something differently and your life went on a different path.
The choices you would have made, the decisions you hoped you stuck through to the end.
If you were the one giving the story, what would you have said?
How your bond has grown?
How you first met?
How you both clicked at that point in life?
Cherish every moment you have in life, treat it as the last you’ll have.
You won’t know what will happen, and you wouldn’t want the last memory the person will have is of you saying how much you hated each other?
Or how much you’ve hurt them?
Say a I love you before your goodbye, or a deep warm hug when you meet.
And I dedicate this piece to all my dear family and friends who’s left our sides physically, but will always be in our hearts for what they’ve done and how they’ve shaped us to be who we are now.

And on this day.

I seriously don’t believe that someone can have a goal in life to sit at a desk and just draw charts and graphs for a living.
Even if it pays some awfully decent amount of money.
We should be out living our life to the maximum an not waste it at a job.
And maybe that is why finding a aim in life is so difficult for me.

How’d you feel about believing?

Watching last week’s episode of Glee, it was all about God, or believing in something.

Is there something I believe in?

I’m not sure.

Not to sound egotistical or anything, but I believe in striving hard for myself.

It’s not about praying or anything that works.

It’s about how hard you push yourself to be better.

I don’t if that will cause me to end up all alone in life.

But who can you trust?

You put all your trust in God, and what if things just don’t go the way you ask him for.

It’s all about striving hard for yourself.

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How so

Do we fix the problem of Asians being reserved about their feelings?
They don’t say I love you enough.
They don’t shower people with hugs and kisses.
They run away at the slightest sign of fear.
They stay safe and don’t take challenges.
But yet they expect people to understand how they are feeling.
People in this country is so unacceptable of public display of affections.
The small hug, or the little peck on cheeks are met with the worst criticism. You’ll most probably find pictures on the Internet and people throwing abuses.
It would mean a total disgrace to the family name if you’re seen being close to friends.
Pride is so important, and the thinking of us is too traditional and downright absurd.
I would love to be showered with hugs and kisses, that would make me know that people love me, people care abou me.
I like the feeling of being hugged. The warmth of it is so comfortable.

Being scared

Being scared let’s you know that you are on to a important decision in you life.
If you have no opinion about the choice you’re about to make, it’s best that you don’t interfere and stop others in their path of their passion.
Why do something you are not head over heels? Give it to someone who really needs it and am totally passionate about it.
Do your best, or do nothing at all.
Why waste your time and other’s time?
I believe to do everything to the best you can, don’t ever regret what you’ve done.
Or else it’s a life lesson wasted.
Be proud of who you are, of how great you can be.

I realise

that the only person I call now is my mum.
The only person who ever calls me is my mum.
The only time I go out is on Saturday if anyone is free.
I spend everyday at home watching tv.
The only time I’m out of the house on weekdays is when I go to work.
My friends are too busy.
I alienated most of my friends for the past two years.
I have a horrible job where I have no friends.
The only way I’m interacting with people is through the Internet.
I was so desperate, I even tried out chatroulette. Which was horrible and I saw naked people masturbating and stuff.
My only way of de-stressing is sitting at home.
Looking at the walls.
I need some interaction with real humans.
My life stinks.
I’m so desperate for contact outside my home.
I need to get out.
I need to meet new friends.
I’m not socializing, I need to go out.
Where is the safest place to meet strangers and be friends?

Do not be afraid

Image via Wikipedia

of making mistakes.

It’s when you learn a lesson and grow to be stronger and wise-r.

I admit I have done some stupid stuff, stuff thatI regret deeply.

But I know I won’t be who I am without these stupid stuff.

I am ashamed of these mistakes.

And they haunt me sometimes.

I grow up knowing I should never do them.

And I make decisions with these mistakes in mind.

I beat myself up sometimes for being so silly.

I’m doing my best to stand up and walk again.

I wish I can run like I do, like when my life seems a whirl.

Everything just seem to move so fast and I enjoyed it so much.

But life’s a dull now, work seems to just draw so much energy from my spirit.

Bless me with the luck to stand up and be tall.

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What if

Image by kevindooley via Flickr

the world as we know it, would suddenly end in apocalyptic means!

What would you do?

Will you run to the person closest to you and hug them close?

Will you help those in need and let them live a second longer?

Will you run and search for your loved ones and tell them how much you love them?

Will you be regretting all the time you’ve lost with your friends and family?

Will you be thinking through all the happy moments you had?

Will you be running around and screaming like a crazy person?

Will you sit and enjoy the moment, where the world is at rage and enjoy the beauty of the moment?

No one can predict what they will do, and neither can I. For now, I would most probably be running to the nearest person next to me and get on it like rabbits. Or maybe I will be enjoying the moment.

Maybe I won’t even be alive when the world is at its end.

But have you thought about it?

Appreciate what you have now though, you won’t know what you’ve lost till it’s gone.

Comment with your thoughts.

I really really want to know.

Have you

Found your passion in life?
Something that makes you who you are today.
Was there anybody who inspired your passionate endeavors?
Anyone who guided you to the light?
I’m still searching for that light.
Something that makes me go so excited to wake up every single day to hop on it and be the best I can be at it.
I feel my days now are filled with mundane stuff, I work at a lousy job, with horrible lazy people, mundane work and even worse pay. That doesn’t drive me. That is slowly sucking away my soul.
What are the steps needed to take before I can fulfill that drive of mine?
How can I start working on it?
Older generations have such a dead mentality and don’t always take what you mean and say to any sense. Thinking it’s all just a frivolous 3 minute sensation of yours.
What’s your take on this?
I would love to heat your passion and what you have went through to get where you are today.

My father

passed on when I was 7.
His death wasn’t such an impact on me because I was still small and don’t know what death meant.
But, as I grew older, and started understanding things and what things meant.
Anyway, a few years later, I was told how he died.
It was a reaction to a new medication given to him and complications, etcetera.
But sometimes, I wondered, what if someone or something knew and invented a new way to test from a person’s gene or blood or whatsoever and test whether the person is really allergic or whether the body will react to anything adversely.
There would be lots of lives saved.
Would I have led a happier childhood?
Would I be in a different place right now?
Comment with your story on how your life would have changed if not for a death in the family.

Was checking

out freshly pressed on wordpress.

I am totally obsessing over all the recipes and food available.

Would really love it if I can try out the recipes.

And if there are family and friends enjoying my food

Like the cinnamon rolls, and chocolate cakes.

And the creamy vegetables soup.

And pot roast.

Totally awesome.

When your friends enjoy the food so much, they just light up.

It’s a rare moment.

Comment with your favourite foods or recipes.

I would love to try them out.

Also, include your favourite childhood meal.

I love potatoes and meat stir fry.

If you ever

Take a walk around the older neighborhoods around Singapore.
You’ll see alot of old folks manning their stalls and provision shops.
Such are a rare sight to see.
Selling everything from dried noodles to incense paper & preserved vegetables.
These people have been there since their teens and because they grew up poor, they do not have the money for a proper education, and can only do what their parents did for a living.
Some of them even gave up their right to study so that their younger siblings will have a chance at a better education.
Now, because of the fast paced moving of the nation, there are supermarkets everywhere, even 5 mins away from home.
I have 3 within walking distance.
And people are forgetting these old shops.
Supermarkets have better deals, fresher foods and cheaper merchandise. It’s also a one stop convenient shop.
Who will ever visit these shops, with their dim lighting, limited stocks, not as cheap purchases and inconvenient location?
What do you love about these shops? Do leave a comment and share with me.

Ain’t it nice

when you’re far away from home and talking over the Internet and seeing their faces

It’s heartwarming and like a hot chocolate in your belly.

Ain’t it nice?

Comment and share your stories. I’d love to hear.

Was in town

yesterday for brunch.

Had dim sum with the family.

And was thinking of how important they really are.

Has anyone had dreams of family and friends dying?

Major disaters where at least 5 or more of your close friends died.

I even had one where I was already lifeless, and i have no idea how I ended up alive, then dead again.

It’s so confusing what dreams mean.

I have no idea what to make of them.