The cycle repeats.

Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr

It’s happening all over again. What I always knew. Friends you think who will be there, forever, just leave.

It happened before and it’s gonna happen this time round.

I’m such a believer of people who is never gonna stay around forever.

No matter how much I try to reach out.

Maybe that’s why I’m such a social butterfly, I don’t hang around with just one group of people.

It hurts too much when they start distancing and separating.

I’m destined to be forever alone.

We constantly subject our heart to such feelings, we have lost count of the number of holes and cuts others have left in them.

I suppose I should just install myself with a frozen heart, never to warm up and be susceptible to all those hurt.

On a different note, it’s also the 10th anniversary of 9/11.

Been hooked on cable all day watching the news covering what has happened to the world ever since.

The war that lasted 10 years and have not ended.

What are we to say what’s gonna happen in the next 10.

Who is even gonna stay long enough to see what actually happens?

Maybe I might even be gone tomorrow.

Unpredictability of life, but yet the stories the same.

Ponder, ponder.

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Do you know why I’m single?

Image by theloushe via Flickr

Because no one is ever gonna be good enough. Regardless of looks, wealth or brains. I’m superficial, sue me.

Even when times I feel so alone and depressed, I just won’t go out and find any ol’stranger and stay throwing myself on them.

The constant pain and turmoil one will have to go through is too much for anybody. Let alone myself. Why is it that in everyone’s mind it is constantly to find a partner in life? Is it really that hard to be happy single?  Is it that hard to actually stay single?

It’s not that easy to trust anybody at all. I don’t trust you, seriously. Not after everything that has happened, I don’t trust anybody to stay, no one will ever stay.

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Some people are just so….

wired weirdly.
Was on the bus today, and sat in front of this loud mouthed aunty. She was blabbering on her phone at such a volume that every single person was practically in her conversation.
Me, being so bad assed tired and lethargic today decided to just move a few seats to the front but not before giving her the stink eye and a small sound of disapproval.
This lady started insulting me, hurling vulgarity at me like nobody’s business. Cursing me, my family, my ancestors. I was so mad when she started dissing my mum. I wanted to seriously go up to her and tell her that, “Yeah I have no dad, what you gonna do about it?” And moving along with me as I changed seats. I have no idea what’s she trying to do, is she trying to provoke me further by irritating me with her microphone voice? Is she gonna bitchslap me? But no, she just kept blabbering on about how young I am, how rude and disrespectful I was. Seriously, who is the unmannered one here, hurling vulgaruties and cursing my family. I doubt that is well mannered in any culture or any society. People were staring at her and the scene she was making and she felt no shame to stop but continued throwing insults.
Why would anybody do that? Are they constantly on the search for attention? Would it make them happy if I created a scene and started arguing with her on the bus? Does she want to make either one of us stomp famous? Even while on public transport, it is common courtesy to actually speak at a moderate volume and not be a mighty loudspeaker.

Who can I call my friends?

They come and go just like everything else. Never staying, never truly being there. How do you judge whether someone is worth investing the time and money into.
What if after years together, they still leave? The memories together will then be meaningless without their companion.
The laughter and jokes we once shared never the same again.
Everything in life is never gonna stay long, nothing ever stays long enough. People make such big promises of always being there for you.
But, yet in the end, they still leave as fast as they trampled into your life.
Life ain’t like the Sims, you force them to talk and they become instant friends. It ain’t easy to find someone whom you can click easily.
Maybe I should just curl into a ball of spikes, keeping everyone and everything at arm’s length, and never allowing myself into all these attachments, maybe I won’t feel as hurt by them. Hurting them before they start hurting me, maybe I won’t feel the pain then.
But without all these attachments, there ain’t really a need to actually survive in this horrible cruel place we call home.
How is this even home if people come and go as they please, they say oh, I miss you so, but yet, when a little crack appears and they suddenly become totally unrelated.

Are we just plain lazy to keep in contact or did we just become too busy to bother with each others lives?

Trust no one, I’d say.

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This post is super-un-awesome.

People tell me that I always seem so confident wherever I go. But deep inside, I think I’m the most awkward and self-conscious person ever.

I hide all my flaws with my insane laughter and flamboyant attitude, it distracts people from the hideous person inside and don’t really show who I really am. People just judge me by my laughter, thinking I’m just another loud obnoxious irritating dumb bimbo(boobs and no brains).

Growing up, I’ve had my share of comments on how I’m

• not the smartest
• not the fastest
• not the strongest
• not the prettiest
• not the tallest
• not feminine
• always the fattest.

I’ve learnt to take all these snide remarks and just pretend like they don’t affect me at all. I join in with the laughter and joke about it together with them. Hoping that one day, they’ll just stop bringing me down. Somehow, it still comes up, someone will talk about something horrible and link it to me. And again, I’m the centre of all their jokes.

When does this ever stop? Will it ever stop?

Is it because of my loud attitude that people are so envious of my confidence that they’re trying to bring me down with their words, or it’s something they just think it’s funny? Are they trying to show that they are the superior species?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will always hurt me deep inside.

What is normal?

How would you define normal?

Social norms are the accepted behavior of a culture of a  society or group.

If being normal is something that we all yearn for and actually aim in life, wouldn’t that make us blatantly boring people?

Is our purpose in life truly to be ordinary folk and not extraordinary?

If being not normal in life is frowned upon, is looked down upon, is disgusted and thrown stones at for, then wouldn’t that make those ignorant people the Voldermots and Hitlers & us the mudbloods and jews of the society?

Or would we want to be something special?

Every single one of us is born and bred differently, we do not all follow the same set of rules growing up and do not have the same social standings in life.

Being normal means we will have to conform to the standards and force ourselves into a state of normalcy. How would that bring about the changes we see in the society right now?

We would not have Barack Obama, the first African American President of the United States, we would still be in a society where racial discrimination and gender discrimination would still be happening. We definitely will not see the changes we see in our lives everyday.

Asking questions and being ultimately curious about random stuff is who I am. Since young, I have been laughed at for all my ‘stupid’ questions, and no one has ever bothered to listen to me or my opinions because of such.

I try my best to be who I am and be who I want to be with no regards to the frowns of the society I live in. I dance to my iPod on the public transportation, I walk with swagger & style and express my discontent.  I live my life to the fullest and never be damned by ******* around.

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What and what?

Does the good things we do in life cancel out the bad things we commit?
Is it alright for us to steal if we helped an old lady cross the street?
How is such stuff measured?
Or is it the realization of our dumb acts and it’s consequences mean that we have noted the severity of our actions and never to do it again?
We can fall off the wagon and some how commit another mistake again.
Or do we go through “judgement” at the end of our life and every single error and success is highlighted, measured and recorded to actually determine our standing in life.
Are we sinners or saint?
Or are we judged by ourselves and seen by ourselves whether we have done anything wrong?
The many ways different point of view and how we’re judged comes from a different understanding of the situation.

And on this day.

I seriously don’t believe that someone can have a goal in life to sit at a desk and just draw charts and graphs for a living.
Even if it pays some awfully decent amount of money.
We should be out living our life to the maximum an not waste it at a job.
And maybe that is why finding a aim in life is so difficult for me.
I don’t want to just look forward to the weekends.
I want to look forward to a daily enjoyment and excitement of what drives me.

Define happiness.

How do you know you’re happy?
By assessing your happiness quotient?
By comparing yourself to others?
Looking at your life in general and seeing what you’ve accomplished?
How do you actually believe it really is what it actually means now?
What if it’s a mindset deeply set in your mind from young?
How do you actually know what is happy?
The feeling of content?
The feeling of enjoyment?
The ability to have everything?
What if everything that is happening now is just a figment of your own imagination in some twisted game some higher power is just playing upon you?
How do you actually know?

Such a big word.

I don’t understand how people feel love. It’s such a big word, and so overused.I can say I love cats, but that doesn’t mean I’d make love to cats, right?

Love is nothing compared to all the other shits that supposed to happen. But yet, everybody believes in it so much. Like how love will cure every single damn problem. I doubt so. I would gladly say money is the most important, but people would have so much more to say about that too.

With all the stories being told, x meets y, x falls in love with y and vice versa, lives happily ever. It’s become a warped up image in our mind of having to fall in love with somebody in order to survive.

People are in relationships because they fear loneliness. They get so comfortable with each other that they fear the loneliness they get if it’s separated.

The constant need to seek companion to be able to survive. And sadly, I too feel the same way sometimes. Being alone tends to drive one crazy. In such a case, me.

Oh goodness gracious

Image by lewishamdreamer via Flickr

After months of indulging myself in unhealthy yet totally yummy food and pushing off all the exercise I have to do.

The mood to run was back, so I just procrastinated all morning and afternoon (the sun was really bright and hot today, 34DegC ain’t a joke) and finally did it when the sun began to set.

5 minutes into running and my lungs were already screaming for more oxygen, my throat was beginning to dry up and every breath I took were short sharp stabs into the lungs.

10 minutes in, my calves were in such pain, they just wanted to stop.

But I powered through it, like always, with everything that I do.

I pushed myself and continued with each painful step, I need to train and be as awesome as before.

Even though my friends would definitely have something to say about my outrageously slow running speed (so slow, they walk beside me every time we run).

Goes to show how long I’ve stopped running and shows how unhealthy I’ve become.

Exercised for 40 minutes and even completed a 19 story climb home.

I know, 19, I’m damn amazed at myself for being able to do 19 stories after such a long time.

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For the ones who live in our hearts forever.

On the day of your funeral, will you have anyone come forward, telling stories of how great an impact you were or would you pass on like a light breeze, soft and silently?
Stories that would bring smiles of great memories.
Moments that made everyone closer.
Times you were at each other throats.
Last words to each other.
Best memory you bad.
How would you have changed yourself?
Would you wish you did something differently and your life went on a different path.
The choices you would have made, the decisions you hoped you stuck through to the end.
If you were the one giving the story, what would you have said?
How your bond has grown?
How you first met?
How you both clicked at that point in life?
Cherish every moment you have in life, treat it as the last you’ll have.
You won’t know what will happen, and you wouldn’t want the last memory the person will have is of you saying how much you hated each other?
Or how much you’ve hurt them?
Say a I love you before your goodbye, or a deep warm hug when you meet.
And I dedicate this piece to all my dear family and friends who’s left our sides physically, but will always be in our hearts for what they’ve done and how they’ve shaped us to be who we are now.

And on this day.

I seriously don’t believe that someone can have a goal in life to sit at a desk and just draw charts and graphs for a living.
Even if it pays some awfully decent amount of money.
We should be out living our life to the maximum an not waste it at a job.
And maybe that is why finding a aim in life is so difficult for me.

We all crave to be loved.

But that doesn’t mean we should just delve into a relationship without any consideration.

Wait for the right one to show up?

Love because you need it, not because you want it.

Today,

An American woman came up to me to ask where she can find a pay-phone that accepts Credit Cards as she has no cash on hand anymore.

She said she has been asking around for help for a very long time.

I didn’t know of any, and so I let her use my mobile phone.

She had to call a friend in America to transfer her money and to unblock her Cards so that she can have money to use.

I feel so good inside that I’m helping somebody and hope that one day, if I ever get lost overseas or if I’m in need of any help, someone would be so nice and go the extra mile to help me too.

I’m thankful that there are such people around to help.

Even though some people commented that she could be a scam and that I was dumb to let her use my phone for so long.

I really like helping people and seeing that they are so relieved when you can help relieve their burden.

When was the last time you told somebody life is gonna be better. Or just to carry that bag of groceries she’s struggling with?

Something or anything can brighten a person’s day.

How’d you feel about believing?

Watching last week’s episode of Glee, it was all about God, or believing in something.

Is there something I believe in?

I’m not sure.

Not to sound egotistical or anything, but I believe in striving hard for myself.

It’s not about praying or anything that works.

It’s about how hard you push yourself to be better.

I don’t if that will cause me to end up all alone in life.

But who can you trust?

You put all your trust in God, and what if things just don’t go the way you ask him for.

It’s all about striving hard for yourself.

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How do you know?

What life has in store for you?

What if things just won’t seem to look up?

What if your best moments have passed and you’ve plateau-ed?

Should I just believe and strive on?

Believe that I will make it and don’t let setbacks bring me down.

Even if these setbacks are some that I’ve never experienced before and am doing my best to overcome them.

But they are like waves, pounding on me just as I’m about to stand up again.

Am I in need of help?

Or is it something I have to figure out myself?

Life is so complex in such a way, you’ll never know what is in store.

Even as you secretly hope it goes your way.

Shower me with love.

I’m just so tired.

Thanks.

Totally love to visit

freshly pressed on wordpress everyday.

Was reading one that really shook my world.

Seriously, why can’t we just have wholesome good looking girls on screen?

Do they really have to be so thin and slim just so that they will not appear fat.

I was influenced when i was younger to be so bamboo-like that i starved myself and forced myself to only drink juice all day long.

It caused me to have gastric problems.

I am now happily eating healthily and am at a very healthy weight.

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When

we were young, we had such great dreams.

To be the President.

To be the a world famous explorer.

To be recognized as a world famous superstar.

But as we get older, we lose these dreams.

We don’t forget them, but we compromise on them.

We sell them off bit by bit.

And when we finally realise it, you’re stuck in a dead end job, trying your best to make ends meet.

In the end, we are all working just so we can have a pocket full of money.

How will we ever make something out of what we dreamt?

And I will continue in the search of what I want.

Wish me luck!

How so

Do we fix the problem of Asians being reserved about their feelings?
They don’t say I love you enough.
They don’t shower people with hugs and kisses.
They run away at the slightest sign of fear.
They stay safe and don’t take challenges.
But yet they expect people to understand how they are feeling.
People in this country is so unacceptable of public display of affections.
The small hug, or the little peck on cheeks are met with the worst criticism. You’ll most probably find pictures on the Internet and people throwing abuses.
It would mean a total disgrace to the family name if you’re seen being close to friends.
Pride is so important, and the thinking of us is too traditional and downright absurd.
I would love to be showered with hugs and kisses, that would make me know that people love me, people care abou me.
I like the feeling of being hugged. The warmth of it is so comfortable.